Boarded Up Marine Terrace To Become Bottleshops

Council Declares War on Empty Shops by Converting Them All Into Servos by 2025

Local News From The Pen Of Horace J. Lightworthy

In a bold and completely unsurprising move, the City of Greater Geraldton has announced that all currently boarded-up shops along Marine Terrace will be converted into service stations by the end of 2025.

The policy, dubbed the “Fueling Our Future” initiative, comes off the back of an extensive in-house study that found Geraldton’s CBD was critically under-serviced in the servo department, especially along the increasingly derelict main thoroughfare Marine Terrace.

While critics argue the CBD might actually benefit more from cafes, retail diversity, or even rent control for struggling local business, council officials insist that “Petrol, Pies and Powerades” are the true engine of local economic growth.

“This is about reenergising the city centre,” said one anonymous council planner while loading a slab of Monster Energy into his hatchback. “And where there’s fuel, there’s foot traffic.”

Under the plan, every second or third servo will come with an attached bottleshop, ensuring Geraldton continues to proudly promote both fossil fuels and drink driving.

In an unrelated and definitely coincidental development, council sources strongly deny any direct kickbacks from 7-Eleven, despite the sudden appearance of six new applications bearing the name “7-Seven-Eleven Pty Ltd (Definitely Not A Shell Company)”.

Business leaders are cautiously optimistic, noting that while traditional retail might struggle, the city’s growing demand for $200,000 yank tanks that barely fit down the bloody road anyway might stop and spend some money”

It is understood the project will be primarily funded by monthly increases to rates but some savings were found by reutilising the bricks that are still stacked 3 metres high from the demolished Batavia Motor Inne.

Meanwhile, local residents remain confused.

“I’ve lived here 48 years,” said long-time Geraldton resident Barb Corrigan. “There’s already a servo across from every servo. Are they going to build up?”

More on this as it unfolds.