Geraldton Council Inspired by Tensions in South China Sea, Claims Joondalup

“We’ve had the map since 1854. It’s laminated.”

Geraldton, WA — In a shock declaration that’s rattled Perth’s northern suburbs and confused just about everyone else, the City of Geraldton has formally laid claim to the suburb of Joondalup — citing historical rights, dusty council archives, and a hand-drawn “Nine Dash Line” map from 1854.

The move comes after councillors reportedly watched a documentary on the South China Sea, nodded solemnly, and said, “Yeah nah, we could probably have a crack at that.”

After the successful annexation of Greenough in 2010 — absorbing all four ratepayers into Greater Geraldton — Mayor Barry Clunes told reporters he was confident the council had the expertise to manage the invasion. “We’ve done this before,” he said. “Greenough was a textbook example of aggressive, historical regional planning. Sure, all the buildings had been empty for over a century, but it was a strategic win on paper.”

According to the council, the map was “always there” but had been misplaced behind a framed photo of a giant crayfish.

As part of the claim, Geraldton Council is now demanding back payments on council rates dating back to 1854 from all Joondalup residents. “That’s 171 years of bin services they’ve dodged,” said Clunes. “We want our money — or at least a few rounds of verge collection.”

In response, Joondalup Mayor Sheryl Flanagan said, “I have absolutely no idea what’s going on,” before being served with an infringement notice for illegal dwelling within “greater Geraldton maritime borders.”

To reinforce their claim, Geraldton has deployed a symbolic “civic patrol boat” — a tinny with a mounted loudspeaker and a Geraldton flag zip-tied to an eski — to assert beach authority from Lancelin to Ocean Reef. Locals are being advised not to panic, but also to maybe bring ID when swimming.

WA Premier Roger Cook has called for calm. “While Geraldton’s claim is creative — and frankly, ambitious — we are not currently redrawing local government boundaries based on scribbled maps and municipal daydreams.”

However, Clunes remains defiant. “If China can claim reefs, we can claim Joondalup. We had a crack at Meekatharra last year but they told us to bugger off. This time, we’re going all the way.”

Geraldton Council has also confirmed future annexation plans for Kalbarri and Carnarvon, citing “strategic ratepayer value,” but made it clear Northampton would be left alone. “We’ve done the risk assessment,” said Mayor Clunes. “There’s nothing up there worth the paperwork, and quite frankly, they scare us.”

A community forum will be held at the Foreshore Hangout Lounge  to “discuss next steps and draft terms of surrender.” Entry is free, but proof of Geraldton residency will be required — or at least a willingness to yell “up the 6530!” with conviction.