Horace J Lightworthy
GERALDTON — In a bold step toward “practical compassion,” the City of Greater Geraldton has announced it will now offer discounted parking fees for stolen vehicles abandoned in council-managed parking lots.
Under the new policy, any vehicle confirmed as stolen and later located in a paid parking zone will receive a 50% discount on all accumulated parking charges, with the remaining balance to be covered by ratepayers.
“Your ute’s already been pinched — we don’t want to sting you twice,” explained Deputy Mayor Alan Clagg. “If the thief had the courtesy to park it legally, we believe that should count for something.”
The initiative, dubbed “Parked With Malice,” comes after a spike in reports of stolen vehicles being carefully parked — in some cases even reverse-parked — in council bays across the CBD and foreshore area.
According to internal documents, one council ranger described the phenomenon as “weirdly respectful,” noting that many thieves appeared to adhere to time limits and even left behind air fresheners.
Who Pays? You Do.
The cost of the discount will be subsidised via a new levy quietly added to all residential rates under the line item: “Crime Offsets & Opportunistic Redemption.” The average household is expected to contribute between $3.60 and $19 per year, depending on how often locals forget to lock their Hiluxes.
“It’s just one of those modern problems,” said Finance Director Kayla Grafton. “We can’t control the crime, but we can monetise the recovery.”
Ratepayer groups have expressed mild concern, with one spokesperson describing the scheme as “a bizarre combination of enabling and Excel wizardry.” Others were more blunt.
“So someone steals my Prado, dumps it outside TAFE, and I get a $44 bill for their generosity? Cheers,” said Bluff Point resident Shane Valdez. “Can I at least get taken out for dinner first?”
More Support for Victims (and the Vehicles)
The City has also confirmed that stolen vehicles parked in time-restricted bays for under 2 hours will now qualify for one free car wash and a complimentary laminated apology note, written in cursive, from the mayor’s office.
However, vehicles found on yellow lines, blocking driveways, or parked diagonally across two bays will still be fined at full rate — “because even thieves need standards.”
More Policies on the Way
The Parking Services Division hinted at future reforms, including a possible loyalty program where repeat victims of vehicle theft can earn free coffee, movie tickets, or “a dedicated bay at the depot.”
When asked whether the program might incentivise crime, a council spokesperson replied: “If they’re going to steal cars anyway, at least let them do it neatly.”
The scheme takes effect immediately, with stolen vehicles to be identified through police reports, VIN checks, or notes left on the dash reading “not mine lol.”
Residents with questions are advised to email council or simply wait outside the Stirlings Centre.
