Geraldton Tap Water So Dense It’s Technically a Solid

Geraldton, WA — In a devastating blow to local infrastructure and basic physics, the much-anticipated Geraldton Power Station will be demolished next month, barely a month after construction was completed. The reason? Geraldton tap water is simply too heavy to convert into steam.

Engineers attempting to fire up the first turbine last week were met with immediate resistance as the water, sourced directly from the town supply, refused to vaporise. Instead, it settled into a thick, glistening sludge that corroded the pipes and reportedly cracked three gauges on contact.

“We were expecting H₂O,” said one contractor, “but what we got was more like H₂OMFG.”

Independent testing has since confirmed the water's composition includes an unholy cocktail of calcium, salt, trace metals, and what experts are now calling "legally radioactive" properties. “It’s not quite uranium,” said one water chemist, “but it’s definitely not tea.”

Locals have long joked about Geraldton water being corrosive to life, but this marks the first time the joke has resulted in a $78 million demolition order. Power station staff were evacuated earlier this week after someone dropped a ceramic mug in the boiler room and it immediately turned to dust.

Despite the setback, the City of Greater Geraldton has assured residents that clean, renewable alternatives are still on the table — namely, the decades-old plan to export green hydrogen from Oakajee.

The Geraldton Guardian reported today that a new study confirms it’s “feasible” to ship green hydrogen to the EU from Oakajee — a location that has yet to receive so much as a functioning mailbox, despite 35 years of hype, hope, and a single rusted sign that says "Future Port Site."

Officials remain optimistic. “If we can’t boil water in Geraldton, we’ll just build a pipeline 25 kilometres north and pretend like that’s someone else’s problem,” said one council spokesperson. “Worst case, we sell the power station rubble to tourists as ‘raw hydrogen crystals’ — apparently that works on Etsy.”

Locals have taken the news in stride, with many admitting they hadn’t even noticed a power station was built. “Honestly thought it was just another Bunnings going up,” said a Webberton resident. “But yeah, the water’s cooked. My kettle sounds like a lawnmower after two boils.”

Demolition will begin next month, with a rates hike scheduled to cover the decomissioning costs. Residents are advised to keep a safe distance and avoid touching the runoff unless you want to develop mutant algae between your toes.

Meanwhile, the Oakajee dream sails on — still just a mere 30 years away from becoming the Midwest’s answer to the world energy crisis.