Horace J Lightworthy
Geraldton, WA — Residents of Moresby were left stunned this week after spotting what appeared to be a heavily modified Dodge Charger doing laps around the back of the Geraldton Wind Farm.
According to insiders, Dominic Toretto — the gravel-voiced patriarch of the Fast & Furious franchise — has booked a “family holiday” to Geraldton after learning that one of the city’s coastal wind turbines reportedly sustained a rotational speed of 6,500RPM during last week’s wild gusts.
The figure — normally reserved for jet engines, blender mishaps, and misconfigured washing machines — caught the attention of Toretto after being shared in a now-deleted Facebook comment on the Mid West Mums Buy Swap & Sell page.
“Babe, it'll be great for the kids.” – Dominic Toretto, lying.
Dom’s partner, Letty Ortiz, was reportedly skeptical about the trip. “Why Geraldton? We’ve been to Rio, Tokyo, and literally Antarctica.” But sources close to the couple say Toretto sealed the deal by uttering the above line while sneakily booking accommodation close to the nearest wind corridor.
Locals at the Foreshore have already reported sightings of Dom consulting with a suspiciously greasy-looking man in a Bintang singlet, believed to be Geraldton’s only qualified wind turbine mechanic, Brett.
“Yeah, he reckons if we tilt the blades just right, and hook ‘em straight into the drivetrain, it’ll rip zero to 100 in 0.3 seconds,” Brett said, squinting at a suspiciously annotated copy of the Synergy grid map.
Dom, however, remains tight-lipped about the real reason for the visit. “I don’t need nitrous. I just need wind.” He then stared into the distance for a solid eight minutes, reportedly waiting for a cue from the director that never came.
Industry experts are divided on whether a wind-powered Dodge Charger is technically feasible. One engineer from the CSIRO said, “It’s a terrible idea. But then again, Ludacris did go to space.”
Meanwhile, the Geraldton Guardian has dismissed the visit entirely, claiming their own RPM readings from the turbine maxed out at 1800. Point Moore Press, however, has confirmed with at least three blokes at the pub that “it definitely sounded like 6500.”
As for Toretto? He’s expected to appear at this Sunday’s Cars & Coffee at Bunnings, where he’ll reportedly unveil a concept drawing of “Project Cyclone” — a 900hp coupe with full rooftop turbine and optional rooftop decking for “family.”
