Geraldton, WA — After months of break-ins, vandalism, and general juvenile chaos, authorities have finally identified the true mastermind behind the Midwest’s recent crime wave — and he’s got four legs, a dodgy temperament, and a collar stolen from Petstock.

The suspect, known on the street as "Pip the Pup," has reportedly been leading a gang of youths across Spalding, Rangeway, and Karloo, issuing commands in rapid barks and allegedly biting a constable who mistook him for someone’s emotional support animal.

"We’ve tried everything — curfews, warnings, community BBQs, even TikTok awareness campaigns," said Sergeant Narelle Griggs. "But every time we corner the kids, they just point to the dog and say, ‘He said do it.’ And honestly, they’re not wrong."

The crime spree has included car break-ins, servo snack heists, and one particularly aggressive incident involving a ging, a fuel cap, and a raw sausage. CCTV footage from a Bluff Point service station shows the Jack Russell barking in a clear pattern, followed by one of the kids using a stolen motorbike to drive through a glass window.

Let Off the Leash Too Many Times

Attempts to detain the juvenile offenders have repeatedly failed, with court outcomes ranging from community service to half-hearted finger wagging. But it was a breakthrough last Thursday that changed the game — a junior officer reported overhearing the Jack Russell issuing direct threats to a teen who refused to commit a break-in.

"He said, ‘woof woof, woof woof woof,’" said Constable Blake. "I knew then we were dealing with a professional."

In a bold new strategy, police brought in Doopa, a retired drug detection dog and canine interpreter currently volunteering at a Midwest petting zoo. Fluent in over 36 bark dialects and growl-inflected slang, Doopa was tasked with questioning Pip.

However, the interrogation never took place. Pip reportedly slipped through the holding cell bars moments after being detained. Authorities believe he used a technique known as “liquidating,” where Jack Russells briefly transform into soup to escape tight spaces.

Still at Large

Pip remains on the run, last seen sprinting down a drainpipe near Utakarra Road wearing a set of stolen sunnies and a makeshift cape made from a ripped Coles bag. Doopa is also missing, though police believe he may have defected to the other side after being offered "full-time treats and off-lead walks."

The gang of youths, now leaderless, have mostly returned to menacing the public in smaller, less organised ways, including kicking bins, attempting to hotwire electric scooters, and asking passers-by for $2 with increasing emotional intensity.

"It’s been quieter, yeah," admitted one local. "But every time I hear a bark, I lock my car and hold onto my cheese sticks just in case."

Authorities are urging the public not to approach Pip, as he is considered extremely cunning, incredibly fast, and dangerous if cornered.

Anyone with information on Pip’s whereabouts is encouraged to contact Crimestoppers or leave a trail of dog biscuits leading to the nearest station.