Freemasons to Begin New Courtesy Bus Service, Direct to Geraldton Watchhouse

“Look, we’re just saving everyone time here,” says local publican.

In a move hailed as “incredibly efficient” by local authorities and quietly appreciated by repeat offenders, the Freemasons Hotel in Geraldton has announced a new late-night courtesy bus service — taking patrons straight to the Geraldton Police Station.

The service, which begins every Friday and Saturday night from 10:30 p.m. onward (or earlier, depending on what specials are on), is being described as a “preventative transport solution” for those who were going to end up there anyway.

“It’ll be easier for them to get a taxi from there in the morning, once the paperwork’s sorted and the hangover’s kicked in. Plus it frees up our officers to defect 4WD's and relocate speed cameras.” — P.C. Selby

The Brew-2-Blue Express™, as it's been unofficially dubbed, includes padded seats, a waterproof floor and a payphone. It is not to be confused with the daily shuttle already running from the Geraldton Beach Hotel directly to Greenough Regional Prison.

A trial run last weekend transported seven patrons directly to the holding cells, one of whom was reportedly already banned from taxis and known only by his nickname, “Slabhead.”

According to police, the new system has already improved efficiency. “It cuts out the middleman,” said Senior Constable Donna Firth. “Instead of detaining them in the carpark or wait for hours for them to stumble the 300 metres to the station, we can now just handcuff them straight off the bus.”

The bus itself is a retired school minibus, still bearing faded “Excursion” signage, and is being subsidised by council with a small rate hike.

Some locals are outraged, claiming the service normalises poor behaviour. But long-time punter and unofficial mayor of the smoking area, Darren “Ciggy Daz” Mulholland, disagrees:

“Without uber in town its great to see some innovation for a change.” — Ciggy Daz

In related news, the Geraldton Taxi Service is reportedly planning its own competing route — a reverse shuttle starting at the police station and dropping patrons directly back at the pub at 11.00am the following day.