Geraldton City Council Proposes Bold Solution to State Asbestos Crisis: Artificial Reefs

Filed by Bluey McTaggart, On Assignment with a snorkel and questionable judgement

Geraldton, WA — In a groundbreaking move set to put Geraldton back on the map for eco-innovation (or environmental litigation), the City Council has unveiled its boldest plan yet — turning the state's surplus asbestos into a network of artificial reefs.

Dubbed “Reef & Relief: A Breath of Fresh Ocean Air,” the initiative aims to solve Western Australia's long-standing asbestos disposal dilemma by simply chucking it into the ocean.

According to preliminary diagrams hastily drawn on a whiteboard during a morning tea break, the plan involves carefully placing fibrous roofing sheets, old eaves, and assorted mystery panels along the seabed to create what’s being called “Australia’s first organically toxic marine park.”

“The fish can’t get asbestosis — they don’t have lungs, mate,” explained one official. “Besides, it’s blue asbestos, so it blends in with the water.”

Environmental groups have expressed "severe alarm," while our reporter attempted to ask local marine life for comment. After several hours and dozens of caught-and-released fish, none agreed to comment.

To sweeten the deal, the council plans to market the reefs as a diving tourism attraction, tentatively named “The Great Hardie Reef.” Visitors will receive complimentary wetsuits and P2 dust masks, with an optional upgrade to a full hazmat experience for an extra $20.

A council spokesperson reassured prospective divers that “you’ll probably be fine if you don’t breathe too much or touch anything.”

Funding for the project is expected to come from leftover COVID grant money, a cancelled town mural, and a small rate hike disguised as a "marine enhancement levy."

Construction is scheduled to begin as soon as they figure out how to legally classify asbestos as "coral-adjacent." In the meantime, council workers have been spotted spray-painting fencing sheets with fish silhouettes and Googling “can sharks sue.”

Stay tuned for updates — and maybe hold your breath.